


Baked Goods

by beta_cygni



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, FrostIron - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Pot cookies, accidental cannabis, for once loki is chill, loki gets frosted for real, tony's cooking, total crack nothing remotely serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 01:13:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8183176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beta_cygni/pseuds/beta_cygni
Summary: Tony discovers that his entire stash of cookies got accidentally fed... to Loki.





	

In the common room at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, Tony was polishing off his lunch before taking guard duty over Loki. Over several weeks, Tony had come to enjoy watching over the mercurial but bright alien prince. He felt some sort of fledgling rapport with Loki, although neither of them would openly admit to it. Their conversations- and battle of words if nothing else- had grown entertaining; sometimes even enlightening.

Tony tossed his fork into the empty food container with satisfaction. This had been some wicked sausage risotto. He could always dangle _that_ under Loki’s nose if he became too bumptious since he was certain that even the petulant Asgardian couldn’t deny this particular success.

Tony had unofficially become responsible for Loki’s meals since the regal inmate had taken vehement exception to the takeout food that had been served to him (and his brother Thor was horrified at the idea of Loki- or _anyone_ for that matter- risking starvation). Out of exasperation, Natasha had tossed the hunger-striking god Tony’s lunchbox one day and, to everyone’s surprise, he had sampled and approved of the contents.

Unexpectedly, Tony had fallen into the habit of fixing meals for two. For one, it encouraged him to be more adventurous and creative than he had been as a bachelor largely cooking for himself. Furthermore, there was something quite flattering about a finicky god appreciating one’s culinary skills. It had been a rather long time since anyone had complimented his cooking talents and Loki’s accolades, however begrudging, were received with secret pride.

He was getting ready to go take his post but swerved to the counter as he yearned to finish his meal with a bite of sweet and _soothing_ dessert. However, he found the small plastic box- holding two caramel brownies for Loki- instead of the cookie jar he had filled for himself for the week.

His _special_ jar.

At first, he was puzzled, investigating the lunch room before remembering that Clint had grabbed Loki’s lunch off the counter to deliver it before Tony began his own shift. Tony swallowed thickly, worried that Clint’s helpful gesture had come with unfortunate consequences. He had clearly labeled both jar and container. Had Clint truly delivered an entire cookie jar to their ‘dangerous prisoner’ without question or second look?

Concern coursing through his veins, Tony made a last, harried survey of the kitchen before running towards the secured area.

As he entered the large room, in which the smaller cell that held the Asgardian was enclosed, his eyes scanned it frantically until he noticed Loki, reclining onto his cot. Tony hoped against all odds that he had been napping through mealtime and hadn’t yet eaten.

 _Anything_.

He quietly stepped towards the cell while trying to visually locate Loki’s food tray. Despite his best efforts, it seemed the god’s senses were too sharp to evade.

Instead of the usual waspish hiss, the voice drifting out of Loki’s thin lips was a slow, honeyed drawl.

“ _Ah_... Hello, Anthony…”

 _Oh shit._ This did not bode well.

As Tony approached the glass room, he became aware of a throbbing sound. It seemed that Loki had somehow conjured some music.

“Is that… Donna Summer?” He asked, befuddled, as he recognized the low, pulsating bass of ‘ _I Feel Love_ ’.

“Hm… I wouldn’t know; I merely reached out into the high ether for the wavelengths that best suited the current _ambiance_ …” Loki explained absentmindedly.

Tony unconsciously raised his eyebrows in admiration. Did Loki really hold such powers? It would make for some incredible deejaying. He shook his head and cleared his throat before inquiring on pressing matters.

“I gather you’ve had your lunch?”

“Indeed… I must say, it was more than satisfactory. Downright enjoyable.” Loki said with a beatific smile that did nothing to reassure Tony. He cringed as he asked further:

“And you’ve had the cookies...”

“You mean the little round, sweet morsels? Yes, they were wonderful. The urn was such a lovely thought…” He waved a lazy hand towards the glass jar now holding a bouquet of strange, glowing flowers.

“You ate them _all_?” Tony huffed in consternation, which produced in Loki the faintest of frowns.

“They were merely bite-sized,” He protested, “and I _am_ a god…”

Rubbing his forehead, Tony gave up on calculating how many milligrams of cannabinoids Loki had ingested since it was of little use. He merely sighed and approached Loki’s cell door, deciding it was wisest to survey the damage up close. Hopefully, they could ride out this little lapse without having to alert anyone- especially not Fury who would be, well, quite _furious_ that not only their high-risk, volatile inmate had been fed psychoactive drugs, but that Tony had brought the substance inside in the first place.

It wasn’t his _fault_. Tony was responsible with his own usage. It was _stupid Clint_ and his inability to read fucking labels.

He tapped lightly on the door’s glass before punching the entry code.

“Uh, Loki? I’m coming in, so no funny business, right?”

Loki’s smile widened.

“Why do enter, of _course_ ,“ He said genially, “How do they say in equatorial Midgardian… _Mi casa es su casa…”_ He then dissolved in delighted giggles.

_Oh fuck._

Tony approached Loki carefully, though the tall creature supine onto his cot was the very picture of peaceful contentment. Loki’s eyes, soft and glistening, met Tony’s and it was unarguable: The frost giant was double glazed.

“Oooh shit; you weren’t supposed to have those cookies.” Tony whined mostly to himself, though Loki pouted slightly.

“Wasn’t I? Didn’t you wish to share your baked delicacies with me?” He looked almost hurt.

“It’s not _that_ ,” Tony waved a hand, “It’s just, they had certain… _ingredients_ ; and…”

“Ah,” Loki sighed, gazing dreamily at the ceiling,”I understand; the _secret_ ingredient… It _is_ love, isn’t it.”

“Uh…”

“Do not concern yourself; your secret ingredient is safe with me. But the pastries are too delicious not to share, Anthony…” Loki slowly wagged his finger at him.

“Well, yeah… _G_ _lad_ you liked them…”

Loki sighed again.

“Yes, I do so wish there had been more of them; I am rather still hungry… And I have none left for you to enjoy with me right now…” He said mournfully.

“It’s fine; don’t worry about it.”

Suddenly, Loki’s eyes drifted back down from the steel rafters and he fixed Tony intently.

“I may have been wrong…” He mused, head still lolling.

“Okay… How so?”

After a long silence, Loki ordered- though very gently:

“Come sit here.”

Tony was a bit alarmed but he gingerly scooted over to Loki’s bed and sat at its very edge.

“This all started on the wrong foot…” Loki grimaced slightly.

“What do you mean?” Tony resented the fact that despite knowing how baked Loki was, he was still curious to know his mind.

“The terms of my _sovereignty_ . I have grown to appreciate this realm. It is so… _quaint,_ and guileless…”

Loki paused before gazing at Tony in a way that could only be described as _soulful_.

“I am a _good_ king, a benevolent one; loved by the little, tiny people; and with reason.” He declared wistfully before bolting upright, albeit in slow-motion.

Tony held his breath in stupor as Loki’s face stopped inches before his own.

“I need _paper_ ; and a quill.” Loki whispered urgently.

“Right… Okay, coming… right… up…” Tony squirmed as he dug out an old receipt and a Bic from his pants pocket.

Loki grasped the items reverently and began writing onto the receipt in elegant calligraphy.

“I am issuing an _edict,_ ” He declared, “A declaration of my peaceful and loving intent, to the people of Midgard.”

As Tony watched Loki’s hand draw increasingly fanciful loops across the paper, he couldn’t help but comment:

“Asgardian script really is _something_...”

But Loki corrected him with a flourish of his pen.

“They are _clouds_ , Anthony…” He described as his hand kept dancing, _skating_ gracefully over paper, “Though they are not _storm_ clouds, no; they are _happy_ clouds, bearing witness to the vast expanse of open sky and all its endless promise…”

He paused and evaluated his handiwork.

“There are _birds_ as well...:” He murmured as he added a flurry of ‘V’ shapes among the curlicues.

Seemingly satisfied with the artistically rendered missive, Loki grasped Tony’s hand and trust the receipt into it. His face was hovering a mere few inches from his own again, his shining green eyes boring into him.

“I have no raven. Will you be my envoy?” He whispered and Tony’s eyes were inexorably drawn to his shapely, inviting lips.

“Yes, alright…” Tony answered, squirming in his seat.

“As the realm's purveyor of exquisite gustatory pleasures…”

“Oh, well…” Tony added hoarsely, ”I’ve been known to _purvey_ … all sorts of pleasures…”

Loki’s eyes had narrowed to dark slits.  

“ _Anthony_ …”

Tony could only stare, helplessly rapt. Loki’s perfect face, suffused with exalted attention, was intoxicating.

“Yes, Loki…” He heard himself breathe.

The full weight of the god’s head fell into his lap. Within seconds, Tony could hear his soft snoring.

Tony faced a new dilemma: Could he smuggle in more cookies without risking detection?


End file.
